What comes first? The chicken or the egg?

Damn, I can’t even have a peaceful dinner with my fam without being forced to conduct another sermon. The weather is beautiful. Fall is the type of female that keeps a man waiting. By being forced to wait on her I appreciate her beauty all the more. I had made plans to catch up with my dudes and Polly over dinner so we headed out to Red Lobster  for some “Shrimps and Lobster”.

The spot wasn’t too crowded, various tables had various people on it but one group caught my attention. It was an older couple, dressed like they were coming from church. O.G and her man, I can’t even front like I thought they were married. My problem wasn’t with them though. Also at the table were two younger women. I will guess that those females were the daughters of the older couple. Each of the younger females had a kid with them. Loud, disruptive and unruly kids. Now I am not saying that there is a problem with kids. Kids will be kids after all, there is only so much you can expect from them when you want them to sit down and behave. That’s also part of the reason you @ashylbowz, but that’s ANOTHER story. I noticed these chicks when I first sat down.

I must have known it was coming….

We ordered our food, our drinks come first. I am trying to settle into my evening and ENJOYmyself. I can’t though. Why? Because directly in my line of vision there was an ashy nipple peeping at me. The O.G chick’s shit was so low cut that her fat bags were tipping out of the top of her bra every time she reached for more biscuits!

NOW…I am a man and I enjoy a good wardrobe malfunction every now and again. But what I don’t want to see is your flat pancake flopping out your bra while I am trying to eat. The sight made me gag. (gagging noise..lol) And if the peeking nip wasn’t enough to turn my stomach I look down and see that this chick got her shoes off under the table. Her feet (alligator heels) had that look like she been kicking flour up and down Flatbush Avenue.

Why do you have your bare feet on the floor of Red Lobster? That’s nasty for you. That’s nasty for me.

Once my food came, I focused on showing those shrimp a good time. I ignored them broads and tried to make the most of dinner. My dudes and me made some jokes across the table about the bird’s ova yonder. Of course they saw us looking at them and must have thought our attention meant we had some type of attraction to either one or both of them. It was a table full of dudes and maybe they thought we were feeling them. I decided to be cordial and make polite conversation; maybe old girl would get the hint if I said something.

“How old is your son?”, I asked.
“He’s one. Why you want ’em?”, was her response. She didn’t say that shit like it was a joke, either. I thought to myself Damn, she said that like she would be happy to get rid of em’. With a bored expression on her face, her titty scratching the top of the table and her feet rubbing against the dirty ass floor she continued to watch lil man tear through the place like theTasmanian Devil.

“No, thanks I have one child he’s six. I know how crazy they can be.”

My comment was part empathetic and part hint for her to wrestle that little demon to the floor and duct tape him to the table. But no dice. He continued to rip and run and so did the little girl. I thought we’re done making small talk until..

“You know you should take him with you. Ain’t no black man got only one kid anyway”, she laughed.

I didn’t find shit funny about it. Let me explain to you why. I have one child and he is the product of a damn near married relationship. I am not having any more kids any time soon. Not because I don’t want the burden and not because I don’t want to settle down with a female. I am not that dude that just puts babies in chicks because I was too drunk to get up and get a condom or didn’t feel like pulling out. Planning a family is something I take very seriously. My mind, my pockets and my lifestyle have to be in synch first. By that I mean my money should be where it needs to be to support my child and the mother (oh, you think she’s gonna work while she’s pregnant with my seed? Nah, only if she wants too, not cuz she needs to), my pockets (no child of mines name will appear on any government begging list), my lifestyle (that means me and the mother have an understanding even though we are no together anymore, our plan, our goal, our agreement to do this thing here TOGETHER!)

I guess she didn’t see the expression on my face because she kept talking. “You know Barack would want you to take care of your kids”, I had to control myself before I said something disrespectful and made a scene in public.

I don’t know what’s worse feeling the brunt of stereotypical ignorant ass comments like this or the ignorant ass mentally enslaved not ready for prime time players like old girl here. They eat the bullshit that society feeds us a people, and then regurgitate it back up on people like me. A brother that tries hard to do (and succeeds) at doing the right thing.

Why waste my breath? She’s young and dumb and full of somebody’s cum apparently (yikes!!). I left it alone because I wasn’t here tonight. Either way. Good food. Good drinks. Conversation with my people’s. It’s the end of the night. The restaurant is clearing out. Gut stuffed, I got my buzz on, and it’s getting late. I am feeling good. We ask for the check. It was then that I noticed that the restaurant was quieter. The family at the adjacent table left. My mouth dropped at the site of the mess they left in the area they were eating in. Food and utensils, napkin bits and spilled soda on the table, chairs and floor. I really felt for the waiter, times are hard and they don’t make a lot of money. I felt really bad for the dude that had to clean all that up for the tune of a $1.00 tip.

We get mad when other cultures paint us to be less than human based on our counterproductive, victim hood mentality but at the same time many of us read the script and play the part willingly.

Honestly…

What comes first? The chicken or the egg?

 

My top 5 Memories Involving B.I.G

My top 5 Memories Involving B.I.G

There are so many memories that I have involving the Notorious B.I.G, but there are several moments that really stand out in my mind. I think that it’s only fitting that on the day that we lost one of the greatest rappers of our time. I take time to reflect and share with you guys my fondest B.I.G memories.

1. The day I first heard B.I.G Smalls

I was a senior in high school and it was a crazy year. I remember being in my homie Baby J’s crib (Baby J at that time was one of the best DJ’s in queens.) and he put on this song  “Party & Bullshit” and I was like  “ Yo who is that dude” and he replied “The Notorious B.I.G” I was like dude was nice and I never paid him any mind. Later on that summer I started my freshman year in college (Keystone) where I met so many people. One of them being my friend  & teammate “Money” who was from Tennessee. During one of our brakes (winter recess we drove from PA to TN) during the drive we listened to the Notorious B.I.G first album. That album was so classic; with songs like Juicy, Suicidal Thoughts, and The What. I knew Biggie was going to be a problem and that Bad Boy was on the rise.

2. My favorite Bigge Songs

This is a tough one there are so many joints that I can say are my favorite but a couple stand out. Here are my favorites and why:

“Flava in your Ear Remix”

“Niggas is mad I get more buts than ashtrays.. Fuck the fair one I get mines the fast way, ski mask way, nigga ransom notes.. Far from handsome but damn a nigga totes”

If that line doesn’t get you hyped I don’t know what will. This song is important to me because at the time my good friend Irv Gotti (head of Murder Inc) was in the video with Mic Geronimo and I was so hyped to see them on TV. Plus the video for this song was so dope, the visuals was crazy. Plus having Busta, LL Cool J and Rampage in the video was an added bonus

“Hypnotize”

“Biggie, Biggie can’t you see… sometimes your words just hypnotize me And I just love your flashy ways. This is why their broke and your so paid”

Wow! Just the thought of this song makes me want to get up and put on some Versace glasses and a silk shirt. Lol and that’s exactly why I love this song. I was a JR. at Lincoln University when this song came out (ironically it was the last video Biggie ever did before he died) this fashion club called Ziana (S/O to Ronnie with her fine ass) had this auction/slash talent show. My friend Naheim and I (from Philly) decided to be in the show (for us to make our stock rise on campus) so we copped so Versace shades and I borrowed a silk Versace shirt from one of my friends from home and we entered the contest. Now on campus I was known for two things: 1) my Locks 2) for being stylish We thought about it and said it was only fitting that we come out to “Hypnotize” because at that time “Hypnotize” was a banger at LU parties. So we figured that if we come out to this song the crowd would be hype. We sure were right! I came out Versace out with a cane and my jewels on. Naheim came out fresh as well and the girls went crazy. I hate to use the word Swag but our “Swag” was on like a hundred million. Lol we came in second place but I got a lot of buns because of that performance. Thanks Biggie

3. Meeting B.I.G

I was fortunate in my life to actually get a chance to meet B.I.G in person. It was the summer of 1995 and I was playing in several summer basketball tourneys that year. We had a game in Brooklyn in Bed-stuy “Kenny Kings” tourney and we was playing the house team. We has the underdogs of course because we we’re from queens.  We were playing against Jamal Tinsley and several other Brooklyn legends and it was a close game. I wound up having 20 that game and like 8 assist. The park was packed and amongst the crowd was Biggie & JR Mafia. We wound up losing but it was a great game. Afterwards we had a chance to meet Biggie and the rest of Jr. Mafia and I was in awe of how cool Biggie was. Biggie was like “You know we couldn’t let you Queens cat’s get out of here with a win” we all started laughing, we then took pictures and that was a memory that I will never forget.

4. “One More Chance Remix”

“Isn’t this great my flight leaves at 8…. Your flight lands at 9 my game just rewinds.. Lyrically I’m supposed to represent I’m not only a client I’m the playa president” This video/song holds some serious meaning to me.  I remember when this song first came out. I wanted to be like “Puff Daddy” back then he was the gold standard for freshness. “I stay Coogi down to the socks.. Rings and watch filled with rocks” So when “One More Chance” came out and biggie had all of your favorite R&B singers and celebs in the video I nearly lost it. Plus Biggie’s wordplay in this song was legendary. Punch lines and metaphors are infused with images of the official playa lifestyle. At that time that was everything I wanted to be…  Not to mention when this song came on in the club, everyone would sing “onnnnnneeeee more chance, Biggie give me one more chance”

5. March 9^th 1997

This was a day that I would never forget. I remember I was walking from the cafeteria back to my dorm (Lincoln University) when somebody came up to me and said “Yo Live (ant-live was my nickname in college) did you hear the news?” and I was like “nah what happened? “Biggie died son” I was like “Gtfoh no way” So I ran upstairs to my room where my roommates at the time had on BET and they were talking about the events that lead to his death. I remember sitting on my bed in shock. It felt as if I lost my best friend. Looking back on that time I can say up until that point I had never felt such a connection with a celebrity. Only recently when Michael Jackson passed did I feel such a great sense of loss. I remember saying to myself “Damn he was finally happy he just dropped “Life After Death” (how ironic was that title) he was about to be on top of the world. Damn. I was sad for like a week, and all you could here blasting out of various dorm windows was Biggies new album. I remember when they announced the funeral services me and a couple of my friends drove back home so we can see Biggie get paraded through the streets that he called home. I felt like a legend was taken away from us. The song missing you sums up exactly how everyone who loved Biggie, felt about Biggie. I still get chills to this day when I think about it.

Biggie we miss you.

You were the Greatest!!!

Can I get a witness from the congregation?

Can I get a witness from the congregation!

It’ Sunday you up bright and early, you shower, get dressed, get your child (dren) dressed, you eat breakfast then it’s off to your local church. This is a normal occurrence in any state in the “Black Community”. Black people gather at their place of worship and get their “Hallelujah and Praise HIM” on. Black people gather to get a “good word” or a sermon that would hopefully put/keep them on the right path to righteousness.  There is normally a dynamic Pastor, Deacon or Reverend delivering a powerful sermon, and in any minute someone is about to catch the “Holy Ghost”.

And you say to yourself  “God is good” and you feel good to be alive.

Then comes around the collection plate, once, twice, sometimes even three times in one service. If this sounds familiar to you then welcome to the world of “Black Churches”. Now let me be clear I am a God-fearing man, and I am pretty spiritual (don’t confuse Spiritual with being ‘Saved’ or ‘Religious’). But I refuse to fall victim to a lot of the hypocrisy that goes down in “Black Churches”. I always thought (and was taught) that God knows what’s in my heart. And that as long as you do well by him, then all is well. So it troubles me when you hear stories of “Pastors & Reverend’s” having affairs with the parishioners, stealing money, living a Down Low lifestyle (yeah I said it). What part of the game is that?

That shit isn’t right. I know that we as a race are a spiritual people, but being spiritual doesn’t mean you can’t use common sense.

It amazes me how minorities will spend their last piece of change on tithing, because “ you gotta give God 10%” YEAH RIGHT. I bet most people don’t know that it mentions nothing about giving “Tithing” in the bible. You know where that came from? Reverend Make Me Rich. Since when is it cool to have people who barely have to nickels to rub together give their rent money, light, cable money to the church in order to get that blessing that they so desire. Then a week later you see the pastor/preacher riding around in a brand new car.

That isn’t right!

If I’m not mistaken the leader of the church is supposed to be a reflection of the people that they serve. Did you ever bother to wonder where exactly is the church leading you? Are you better for attending? Do you benefit from social programs and the feeling of community by interacting with your church? If not then….(ahem).

I thought church was supposed to be about the word, not how many big screens TV’s or, what type of sound system is in the church. I’ve been to churches where you would have thought you were in the club, not the pulpit. But I digress. Church should be about the message not the decor.

Speaking of messages, what’s good with the pastors, preachers, and deacons with little or no credentials spreading the good word? How can you educate the masses and you don’t have an education (training, a correspondence course from the back of the numbers books doesn’t count)? Did you study to become a theologists or did you retire your hoes and swapped one suit for the another? Did you go to school or did you become closer to God because you was shot at, stabbed or something along those lines. Who’s doing background checks? I’m just saying we scrutinized every other profession, so the same should apply to our churches. We have to do better, we have pimps calling themselves bishops and you let um. We have pastors, and preachers turning a blind eye to the spread of HIV and teen pregnancy within their own congregation because something in the Bible THEY READ says that these things are an abomination and should be ignored. I was taught to hate the sin and love the sinner. Don’t get me wrong there are good churches, and excellent pastors out there and for you I am truly thankful for making a difference in peoples lives, but black people have been led from shores of Africa, to the slave ship, to the pulpit in an attempt to teach us to ‘wait on it’. I’m done waiting. If you are a person of faith then join us to-night as we pull up the robes and uncover how ‘the devil’ just may be the very thing you spend your time, money and mental attention listening to each and every Sunday.

You’re a Fake Baby!!!!!!

What’s good America?  I’m back to expose yet another fraud, snake charmer, charlatan someone who I allowed to get close to my circle and hurt people who I care about.

Who? You ask!

El Hafiz!! Is who!

Yeah my good friend Mr. #Tricky Hip (wait on this…..tune in…you’re not gonna wanna miss it!).

Design my homie @lordlike created for El Hafiz

Those of you who follow my blog or the #soapboxchronicles may have noticed that El Hafiz has been missing from the show for a few weeks.

To tell you the truth; he wasn’t bringing the type of energy that Tracy Renee Jones & myself needed to make a successful three-man show.  So I decided to cut my losses and let El Hafiz go a whole 3 weeks before this fuckery began.

No, I am not a Mrs. Cleo psychic extraordinaire; something about him just wasn’t quite RIGHT. But me being who I am, I offered to embrace ya boy and open up some opportunities for him through the show and networking with my #theillpen tribe.

El Hafiz has been pulling the wool over everyone’s eyes.

Without getting into the whole story here (tune into this weeks edition of the Soapbox Chronicles for exclusive interviews with the key players) it seems that El Hafiz wasn’t forthright with his background.

But wait there’s more. (Snicker)

It’s funny how he used to always call me Mike Lowery (Will Smith’s character from Bad Boys I, II) and I feel like an ass for vouching for him (sorry America) but I was fooled too. His fuckery has caused stress to good friend of mine @thekiaXperience. You can checkout her video blog here as she tells the whole story of how her name was caught up in this mess.

I am in the business of promoting goodness and black power trips to the top. I smoke my bud, say my prayers, and eat my vitamins. I have to quell the,“That’s your boy“ (#tracyreneejones) comments. He never did anything wrong to me but he involved my people so me being “The voice of the people” I had to speak out and let my people know what is what.

So let me be clear

We here at the Soapbox Chronicles do not condone or agree with El Hafiz’s actions or comments. We don’t play those games on this side of town, and nor do we engage in this type of fuckery. We want to assure our fans that we will continue to bring you the real and the raw. With no additives and preservatives; please forgive us for breaking away from this week’s Slave Trade series. Instead, we’re gonna take this time to address why some black people want to shine but refuse to do the work necessary to bring their own authentic light.

But I digress,

That’s all for now America.

Young M. Clayton

Gimmie the Loot!!!!!!

Salutations America,

Haiti.

Every time you turn on the news you see images of buildings, homes, stores, banks, etc lying in ruins on the ground. You see images of  “looters” running up to trucks, running in stores (of the few that still exist) and hungry, tired, and hurt humans running the streets looking for food, water and other supplies.  These images invoke in me a feeling of sadness, and hopelessness as I scramble to find a reputable relief organization for me to make another donation to I couldn’t help but think, “ Why are they only showing people running the streets, and rioting? Why aren’t they showing us pictures of Haitian people digging thru rubble to find their love ones?”

Where are the images like this: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/01/18/australian-tv-crew-pulls_n_427013.html where a Australian TV crew digs out a small Haitian toddler.

Maybe my question should not be one of location, rather, I should ask the question of intention.

Why?

Because the media controls all the images that you see on TV, Radio, and the Newspaper. If you don’t believe me, when you go home turn on any news channel and watch the coverage of Haiti. What you will see are images of people running the streets “looting & rioting” with a few wounded folks lying around in the background for good measure. These images are shocking and that’s exactly what they (media) want you to feel. The “shocked & appalled” is the dramatic set up to the “rescue by the savior” that’s a part of any good drama. The media wants you to feel relieved so when whatever government gets there and sets up shop, (see @elhafiz post who’s on first) we (the viewers) are lulled into sleep thinking that it’s okay for a new government to step in and continue to treat the people of Haiti poorly.

But I digress. Did it ever occur to you that the reason these people raided the U.N Food Storage Warehouse is because they are tired, hungry, and desperately need food?

The reasons why they were “running” and not “sprinting” to supply trucks is because few,  if any, trucks have made it through to areas that really need it? C’mon son our Haitian brother’s & sister’s are dying over there! I wouldn’t call people trying to find food & supplies “looters” or use a word like “stampede” because “stampede” is what wild animals do. “Survival” is what the Haitian people are orchestrating now and if it were you you’d do the same. So don’t make this into something it’s not; propaganda is nothing more than smoke and mirrors and if anyone is gonna blow smoke it will be in my cipher and not the tight white guy on Fox 5 news.

DON’T BE FOOLED BY THE MEDIA.

Anytime they (media) get a chance to feed us some bullshit, don’t accept it, see for yourself.  Do the research and form your own opinion. Believe it or not there are many stories of Haitian people becoming extremely resourceful by using their talents to give basic living needs for their people.  Haiti is a proud and resourceful country and I pray the world realizes that media plays a major role in how the rest of us see Haiti. And sometimes you can’t always believe what you see. Somebody has to step in or step, and if nobody will shine light on this topic you know I will. This is something we need to watch with a careful eye once the dust settles over in Haiti. To hear more about this topic tune into the “Soapbox Chronicles” Wednesday @ 10pm, voice your opinion, and let your voice be heard!

Until next time America

Deuces

Young M. Clayton

The Streets is Watching!!!!!

Happy New Year America! It feels great to be alive, and have the opportunity to continue to bless you guys with a great & informative blog. It’s a new year. New projects on deck, and even opportunities for me to learn & experience new things. So from me to you I want to say thank you for letting me into your world.

Chucks list of New Years particulars.

Aight now *pulls of medical gloves*

I have something that I wanted to discuss a week ago, but I wanted to wait for the smoke clear to gather some more facts.

What the Fuck is Wrong with Gilbert Arenas?

If you have slept under a rock, or you don’t have a T.V in your home (because I know some people who don’t) you probably haven’t heard that the NBA has indefinitely suspended Washington Wizards Guard Gilbert Arenas for violating its gun policy. You can check the full story here: http://sports.espn.go.com/nba/news/story?id=4802267&campaign=rss&source=twitter&ex_cid=Twitter_espn_4802267

Now before I give @gilbertarenas (who’s twitter page is suspended) the business (wait on it…) let me  say that I actually like the guy. He is a talented athlete and I was glad to see him finally start to get back to all-star status in the league. To become the (Hibachi) we all know and love. So when I heard the news that he had guns in his locker room I was shocked. I mean did we not learn anything from Plaxico Burgess? It just baffles me how the lack of good judgment escapes our black athletes.I can understand what his reason are for not having guns in his home. But there were other options that he could have taken to make sure that his children didn’t have access to his guns. Arenas originally said he brought four guns to the Verizon Center because he wanted them out of his house after his daughter was born. Ok! I feel him on that but, dude, that’s why they invented safes with locks on them (Home Depot?).

Why would you bring them to your locker? I know D.C is rough but damn, son! If you felt like you needed protection why not hire security to hold you down (@bodyguardbeats). Did Shaq have you that shook that you need to keep 4 guns in your locker? I’m just saying, if you needed help I could have called Day-Day & Craig, (or da cousins..) and they could have held you down. But I digress! I’m not judging the brother because I am a parent and I understand that your children’s safety is a priority, but you should never jeopardize your job and how you make your living.

The NBA is not the hood nor the park. I don’t care if the guns weren’t loaded; there is no place for that in any sport. You had to know that there was going to be a severe punishment handed down by David Stern. And that is the least of his worries, even though his guns were legally registered in VA, he violated the law by carrying those same guns over state lines into D.C (where they are now considered unregistered). Gilbert claimed that he did not know that he had to have them registered and I believe him, but ignorance of the law is no excuse for you to break the law (damn I just sounded like a DA.) the sad fact is that most people who carry guns don’t even know the their own state’s gun laws. So Gilbert may be facing criminal charges as well. This not the first time he has had an incident with guns. Arenas has been suspended once before because of a gun-related matter. He sat out Washington’s season opener in 2004 because he failed to keep up proper registration of a handgun while living in California in 2003 and playing for the Golden State Warriors.

My dad always told me as a child that “The lessons that you learn the most in life, are the one’s that you pay for” (thanks, Dad!) and I hate to say it but this will cost Gilbert. As it stands with each game he misses, Arenas, who turned 28 on Wednesday, will lose about $147,200 of the $16.2 million he will earn this season in the second of a six-year, $111 million contract. As of Wednesday he had $9,429,505.41 remaining for this season. And he has no one to blame but himself. Keeping it real has forced David Stern’s hand by making gestures like this.

C’mon son you making gun gestures in a pre-game warm up during the Sixer’s game. What did you think would happen?

David Stern says:

“Although it is clear that the actions of Mr. Arenas will ultimately result in a substantial suspension, and perhaps worse, his ongoing conduct has led me to conclude that he is not currently fit to take the court in an NBA game,” Stern said. “Accordingly, I am suspending Mr. Arenas indefinitely, without pay, effective immediately pending the completion of the investigation by the NBA.”

I hope Gilbert can learn from his mistakes, and make better decisions in the future. He has a lot to overcome and I am rooting for him, because he is actually a dude who made a poor choice.(Let he who is without fault, throw the first stone…or something like that..)

Now the thing that has gotten me tight is some of the crazy comments that I have heard from people lately about this situation. I have heard that “There is nothing wrong for him bringing guns to the locker room”, (ignorant) and “If you can bring a gun to the park, then you should be alright to bring them to the stadium” (ignorant-er).

But this is the comment that had me tight “ Basketball is a game for the hood & the park, it’s a hood sport” (ignorant-est).

WTF is that about? I played basketball in High School, College, Semi-Pro tournaments, and even had a chance to go over seas before I tore ligaments in my ankle. I love basketball, and yes I’m from the hood. I never thought that bringing guns to the park was ever cool. Do you know how many people get killed in parks over foolish shit? I’ve never seen a gun improve a jump shot. There is way to much violence out here and it’s bad enough that in the black community places more value on sports than on education. Where you ask young kids who they inspire to be like and you hear, Lebron James, Kobe Bryant, & Dwayne Wade. We all know kids mimic what they see & hear on TV. We all know Jay-Z said in the song where I’m from “I’m from where they crossover & clap boards, lost Jehovah in place or Rap Lords” or like Biggie Said “ You either got a wicked jump shot or you selling crack rock” There is already the perception out there that NBA is a league of thugs & hoodlums. This incident doesn’t help that.

So now, as Black people, we restrict our aspirations for better financial opportunities and freedom to sports and music as an escape vehicle from the hood. AND we associate the same type of violence pledging the inner city environment WITH the very activity they are using to escape from the violence!

Think about that for a moment.

I suggest “black athletes” work with life coaches to help them make decisions with their newfound money and fame. Someone needs to teach these young people better decision-making skills to keep the out of the negative limelight and out of jail. Its 2010 people wake up, we so have to do better.

For more relevant banter and life discussions be sure to tune in to the “Soap Box Chronicles” on www.blogtalkradio.com/soapboxchronicles. Our debut show airs Wednesday 1/20/10 @ 11pm.

Until next time America,

Young M. Clayton

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I do… but what if I don’t!!!!!!!

I do…but what if I don’t?

Lately there has been a lot of press on celebrities and their various forms of infidelity. It’s enough to make your head spin (like that chick from the exorcist).  I mean, damn,  it’s hard enough trying to find the right mate, and it seems it’s even harder to stay in healthy relationship. So over the weekend as I sat back snowed in, and flipping thru the various channels covering Tiger Woods, and Chris Henry’s alleged domestic incident which led to his shocking death.

Then IT hit me; I started thinking about various relationships and one type of relationship stood out. I thought about how many good men stay in un-healthy relationships because there are children involved.

So you know me, I poured a glass of privilege(Top Shelf Hennessey for the slow) on the rocks and rolled up some good good..it helps one properly meditate (thanks Buddah!). Now normally I don’t share a lot of my personal life but this topic hits close to home because up until a few years ago that was me. Now I know you may say—– Young M. Clayton, you went thru this?  Ah, yeah!

After all I am human, and contrary to what some may think..men do have feelings. But lucky I caught myself before things got bad between my son’s mother & I. I must say that I am fortunate to have a decent & cordial relationship with my son’s mother. But the sad reality is that a good percentage of breakups that involve children don’t workout. If you don’t believe me just take a trip to your local family court and then holla at me.

I realized that most men don’t know that it’s ok to say, “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore”. Some men don’t realize that it’s possible to co-parent without being together. Fellas it’s ok, trust me I would never steer you wrong. See I’m a firm believer that you are truly a product of your household, and the various types of relationship you were exposed to as a child will ultimately determine what type of relationships you have as an adult. You may have grown up in a single parent home and had to take on a fatherly role to younger siblings while you were still a child yourself. Then when you got older and entered into a relationship and it didn’t workout there are some men that would feel a sense of obligation to hang in a bad relationship because they have been taught that they should put the needs of the family before their own.

There reasons may be

a) they grew up with out a father and the they don’t want their child to experience the same. They may feel this is their ‘family’ and do or die, they will keep their ‘family’ together, because they know what it’s like when the ‘family’ is broken or
b) They feel like they have to be the main provider and shoulder the responsibility of taking care of everything themselves.(This comes from their experience as a child having to be the provider and father at an early age)
I understand this but at the end of the day you’ll wind up hurting your child more than helping. It is never healthy to stay in relationship where there is verbal, and /or physical abuse (and I’m not just talking about men being violent to woman, I’m talking about woman being abusive towards men).
There are men who go thru physical abuse and are afraid to say something because of the backlash they may receive from their friends, family and other people (Snitching?!) It’s sad but true.
Or c) some men have low self-esteem and they feel like the female they have kids with is the best that they are going to get, and they have no choice but to stay around. If this is you, man up and say enough is enough. Get a backbone, and say, “Peace, I’m out. I can’t & won’t take it anymore“.

All you are required to do is take care of the needs of your child(ren). Because if a woman knows she can walk over you, then it’s a wrap. She will continue to control & manipulate you to the point to you feel like jumping of a cliff (or jumping on her azz). And it’s sad to say that it’s you fault because you let her do it. You let it get here. The min you saw her acting like that you should have nipped it in the bud. And why oh why do some of you choose to marry (paperwork?!) the woman you are involved with when you know good and well if you could turn back the hands of time….you would! Gladly!!

But I’m not here to bash you.I’m here to lend you a helping hand. Fellas it’s ok to say, “I do love you, but I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore”. It can be hard (because who likes to hurt another person’s feelings?) but it can be done. Trust me your child(ren) will thank you for it later. Leaving a stagnant relationship does not make you less of man. As a matter of fact it makes you a bigger man because it takes an honorable man to say “look it’s not working with us, so for the sake of our child(ren) let’s take a break from us and focus on raising our kids(s)” but we all know that is not the norm.

(Takes a deep pull and puts out spilff, takes another sip of privilege)

Now you may not agree with what I say but I am speaking from experience. It can be done. As a Black man, I feel like we are often labeled as ‘no-good’ and ‘deadbeat’ for not delivering the entire relationship package (marriage, kids and happiness) that is encouraged by (mostly) the women around us. I know full and well what is expected from me (yes, Mom). Luckily, I also have a Dad around who pulled my coattails to what’s really good when it comes to commitment and creating a family. Black men may not realized  that we do have choices, and you don’t have to let your ego or ‘Male Pride” have you stuck in a never-ending situation like Sisyphus. (Told you my third eye was open) don’t feel to ashamed talk to someone. If you have “good” friends then they won’t judge you, they will give you advice from the outside looking in. They could provide you with helpful insight, which can help you out of your situation. Because after all the definition of Insanity: is doing the same thing over & over, thinking each time you repeat it you are going to get a different result. And you are sticking around in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of your kids is INSANE. If the person you have to wake up to each day is causing you misery, stress and depression (that’s what all that Henny and purple haze is about. You call it ‘relaxing’, I call it ‘self medicating’)..then maybe it’s time to save yourself so that you CAN be that great father you’re trying to hard to be.

I am the Baby’s Father !!!!!!!!!

So I was surfing the web the other day and I came across this post by  @blogzilla called Women Who Won’t Date Men With Kids Are The Scum Of The Earth and I read some things that were quiet disturbing. The mere fact some women won’t date a man who has a child is (in mike Tyson voice) “ludicrous”. What part of the game is that? I know there are some dead beat dads out there and if you are reading this and you are one, step your game up! But if you are a good father and you are looking to find that special someone, don’t worry! Hold your head high. There are some great women out there that will accept the fact that you have a child(ren). Now I wouldn’t go as far as to say that a woman who won’t date men with kids are the “scum of the earth”. (C’mon, son…that attitude might be a reason WHY you’re having a problem coming across as a ‘good guy’.)  I think that it’s all in the attitude and the approach you take.

Ladies listen up! I know you are tired of the lames and deadbeats out there, but there are plenty of men that are responsible parents. The fact that a woman says she won’t date a man with a child because of BM drama is a cop-out and an excuse. How are you going to pre-judge a man who has a child and say right off the bat that you won’t engage in a relationship with him? Hello ladies if you do find a man who treats his child or children right, you should take notice of that. You can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his family & his kids.(I will give a pass to those guys who chose WRONG and got dat type of BM whose ultimate goal in life is to make him (his family and the court system) miserable…I won’t blame a woman for not getting involved in a homicide situation waiting to happen)

I want women to see how much we love our children and appreciate the fact that we handle our biz when it comes to their care. I would find it strange if she has been dealing with a low-life BD of her own. Only an immature female would assume a man is still fucking his Baby Mother. What type of shit is that? (Unless you still are! Sometimes a woman’s suspicion is justified. Fall back, son. Either you’re with your BM or you’re not. “Shit or get off the toilet”, is what my Father used to tell me about breaking up)

Me & my son’s mother (see what I said son’s mother not baby mama) are not together AND I’m not sleeping with her. We have a decent relationship and we co-parent because that’s our job above and beyond all else. All of these shows like Maury have totally warped peoples perception of what a good man or father is.  What decent woman wouldn’t want a man that takes care of their responsibilities?  There are plenty of woman who want that. Go to your local family court and you’ll see tons of woman who want a decent man to take care of their child/children.

Ladies wonder why they can’t find a good man, it’s because most women have known clue what a good man is? This hurts me, I mean it really does. I am single but I am dating and I have no problem with letting my potential mate know that I have a child. I’m proud of the fact that I have a beautiful son, and he is a good kid. Why? Because I’m there and make sure that he knows that Daddy always has his best interest at heart.

If the shoe was on the other foot….How would you feel if you met a dude and you feeling him and you tell him that you have a child/children and he turns and runs for the hills? You wouldn’t like it would you. Black men have so many barriers in life that prevent them from being productive citizens, and this issues only adds to the list of things that Black men have to deal with. I thought your woman was supposed to help, love, nurture, and hold down her man. So how is this holding us down? I hate to say this (my beautiful Black & Latin woman I love ya’ll) but you  got to wonder why Tiger Woods deals with white woman? It may be because when shit gets tough they ride it out.  I know a couple of interracial couples that have kids and where the male is black and had a kid from a previous relationship and THEY have a healthy loving combined family.

I see a problem if we can’t learn to do the same. We need to put our families back together not continue to pick each other apart. It takes a village to raise a child, are you willing to be a tribe member or not?

Until Next Time,

P.S To all of my fans that have follow me here, Twitter, and have graced my page with your great feedback & comments. I want to take the time to thank you, and wish you a Happy Holiday Season and a Safe & Prosperous New Year!!!

I have some great things in store for 2010, and I’m glad you are along for the ride....

Peace!!!!!

Young M. Clayton

Rappers, R&B Singers, Pedophile’s & the fans who love them!!!! (yeah you)

It’s been so much going on lately that I can’t even keep up. You might have noticed I been missing from my virtual hang out spots. Nah, I been around, but hadn’t been saying much. Sometimes I just prefer to watch…the Tweetstream (get your mind out the gutter). There are so many conversations going on at one time, it’s really an amazing place. I urge you to get up on Twitter if you haven’t already and be sure to peep me (Young M. Clayton) and my partner in crime (@tracyreneejones) when you get a chance. She’s working on a memoir book and you won’t want to miss the ANYTHING she has to say. Usually everyone is randomly tweeting but she stopped me in my tracks when I saw this:

• (Tracy) Yall muthafukas listen closely to this one…Im digging in the bag..
• (Tracy) I was 12 years old, on my way home from the neighborhood. was getting dark out. My Dad’s friend pulls up and offers me a ride. Almost got in
• (Tracy) but something stopped me. I wanted to walk home and see my friends around the way. I promised that I would go straight home. Only 3 blocks.
• (Tracy) He asked if I remembered him, of course, he came on the holidays and used to visit with my Dad, I would sit on his lap. He taught me to draw
• (Tracy) When I hesitated from getting in his van, he asked if I was hungary. I said no, wondered why he would ask that.
• (Tracy) Then he asked if he could take me somewhere to get something to eat. I wasn’t hungary and said no. seemed odd.
• (Tracy) He then said we could get something to eat and hang out. He said we could go for a ride. Asked if I suc’d dick…he said “I’ll pay you!
• (Tracy) I blinked at him cuz I didn’t understand the question, didn’t know what ‘suc’d dik’ was…I just felt funny that he asked me that
• (Tracy) Then when it finally struck me what he asked, I turned red with embarrassment, then rage…I dug deep….and spit dead in his face n ran
• (Tracy) Had nightmares, felt disgusting, always talk of someone doing something to me, even from my Dad’s best bud.
• (Tracy) I never told my father b/c he would have killed that man and been in jail. I held that to myself. So, no…what is there to teach.
• @**** but yet we debate R. Kelly REALLY being a bad guy..when some1 just as similar murdered that little girl (used her body just b/cause)
• (Tracy) We can control and we can also be stringent when these things happen. All these young girls getting killed lately. Oh, well?!
• @******* U are a woman, u already know…people claim your body, comments, touches, abuses, who do u run from? it’s everywhere!
• RT @*******: @TracyReneeJones gd questions, b/c it’s not ‘stranger danger’.. most of the times, it’s sum1 well-known 2 the family
• (Tracy) How does one avoid those that eat at their tables? How do u avoid your own family. U want to feel like it’s something u can control
• (Tracy) And who do u tell young girls to fear? The uncle? The step Dad? The pastor? The older cousins? The babysitters older child? Who? How?

Did you see what she said right there? “we debate R.Kelly REALLY being a bad guy ..when someone  just as similar murdered that little girl (used her body just b/cause)”

R. Kelly’s new album has just been released. With all of the recent violence against children lately it makes me cringe to see the amount of promotion by fans and industry people of this pedophile. Maybe you didn’t see the video ( I did and it still bothers me) and until you do I urge you to not blindly jump to this man’s defense. I think it was clear to ANYONE that watched that video that Mr. Kelly has a bad habit….he likes young girls. What’s worse is that although people talked about it. NO ONE got angry about it. Quiet as it’s kept, that rumor is nothing new about your favorite R&B crooner. We can’t at one point care about Shaniya Davis and then disregard another child who is being abused by an adult. How do you determine the value of a child’s life?

The more interesting thing here was that people were defending R.Kelly’s actions instead blaming the little girl for being ‘fast’. I want you to ask yourself how does a little girl become ‘fast’? Does she naturally decide she wants to have sex and then finds a GROWN ASS MAN to give her body too? Explain that to me. Exploited sexual behavior by young girls is taught…ask yourself by whom and get back to me. When teens decide to start experimenting with ANYTHING (drugs, sex, alcohol) it’s almost always with their peers. Who goes to find an adult to sneak off with and do things you aren’t supposed to? Well, you can always ask Robert, he’s on Twitter (@KellZodiac)..tell him Young M Clayton sent you.

Tracy raised some very good points in her debate. You can’t assume it’s going to be a stranger. You can’t assume your child is too young to be able to communicate their privacy. YOU DAMN SURE CAN’T SHIFT THE BLAME TO THE CHILD!! We are losing our young people because we have become complacent. If it doesn’t involve instant gratification or negativity then we don’t care about it. If I ask you to take that extra step, involve yourself a little more, or do something uncomfortable some of you would fight me tooth and nail. You as a parent need to be more considerate of the people your child spends time with. Molestation does damage that takes years to be repaired often to parts of a person that you or I can’t see. What’s even worse than this is that it seems Kell’s has a companion in the music business. You may or may not have known this but Pleasure P has also been accused of child molestation. If you want to know more about this story you can check it out on Nicole Bitchie’s website. At first I thought it was just a rumor but now I am not too sure. My initial reaction is a prime example of how we as adults don’t want to believe shit stinks. We can be so quick to turn a blind eye and deny things that we don’t want to deal with. Because as you know, ignoring a problem doesn’t mean it goes away. Yo check Nicole’s blog and come back and tell me what’s really good.

(Pleasure P & unknown minor courtesy of  Nicolebitchie.com)

And to all the men out there that think it’s okay to touch a young girl or to have sex with a minor just make sure you don’t let me hear about it. If you stare and lust at those teenage girls your no better off. If you really want a female, how about you do some work on you so that you can play with grown up girls who do grown up things. Any man who will abuse a minor for sexual gratification is not worth breathing; especially one that uses his celebrity, influence and wealth as protection (I see you Roman Polanski) . If you turn a blind eye to anyone abusing minors than you are no better than they are. I sleep well at night…Do you!?

On that note like my home girl @Ms_AJC would say, “That is all”

Until next time America

Deuces!!!

Young M. Clayton